Christopher Julius Rock III (born February 7, 1965) is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. After working as a standup comic and appearing in small film roles, Rock came to wider prominence as a cast member of Saturday Night Live in the early 1990s.

His words speak for themselves: God will send you a double date with the perfect couple. Have you ever made the mistake of going on a double date with the perfect couple? You're in the middle of your bullshit relationship and you actually sit down with two people that are actually in love. You can't even eat your food cause you can't believe what the fuck you are witnessing. You got a fork in your hand like, "Oh shit! He's really listening to what she's got to say! Wow! They really like being around each other! Man, we can't hang with them no more, they gonna break us up. Can't let these happy motherfuckers fuck up my life!"

So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's trying keep the Feds off her back.

You mean to tell me that Hawaiians came up with pineapples, resorts, hula hoops, Magnum P.I. and the best damn punch in the world and they don't get no money from it!?

When I heard they were trying and get rid of the word "nigga", I told my accountant to buy 800 shares of "coon".

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